My early 20s were fraught with drama. To be fair, there was a lot that went on that is probably deemed normal to have to experience at that age but for me - it was partying hard, drinking, ratchetry, ridiculously demanding friendships, the tension between being homesick and living in America as an African immigrant - and so on. Looking back I believe that had I made better choices with regards to who I entertained, I wouldn't have endured half the things I considered to be the reasons for my stress during that time.
Time and experience has made me very sensitive about who I avail myself to. Yes, I am a wife and a mother, a professional and an entrepreneur - but am also extremely relational and love interacting with people. But, in those interactions, I have learned as you may have as you read this - that not everyone has your best interests at heart. In life, there are givers and there are takers. The aim is for your to experience the joys of being around givers, not because you are a taker but because you equally give of your time, effort, resource and goodwill to the people in your life.
Dealing with a myriad of personalities, some of which you may not particularly be fond of, trains you to guard the space around you very jealously, for in that space is where you sprout, grow, find your awakening, joy and strength. Your space is also where you turn to for comfort when you need to silence the world's noises. And so if you allow that space to be occupied by people who take more out of you than foster a healthy relationship with shared experiences, you risk depletion of the very resource you need to keep from going under.
Who is in your corner? What drama is plaguing you and can a change in habits, actions or the people in your life be the very thing that's keeping you from finding your peace? Remember, your peace and sanity is a decision away. Allow me to share with you reasons why guarding my space has been a game changer, fostering more peace and productivity in my life:
1. Protecting your space allows for more focus. I mentioned before that I used to have a mix of personalities around me all the time. Very few of them where actually good for me. Because they were a distraction, I struggled to focus on the things that were important during that time - total time-wasting!!! Cutting out certain people from my life in pursuit of authentic relationships has allowed me to grow through my interactions. It has also allowed me to focus on building on certain ideas without distractions. Building and growth are wins - always!
2. Noise dies. Noise can be, and often is a distraction. There is only one of you, capable of doing only so much at any given moment. Kill the noise by guarding your gates - eye, ear, spiritual and emotional gates. Sometimes, its perfectly okay to walk away and to water, or be watered elsewhere. Know that you are blessed and your greatness awaits you choosing to walk in it. But you have to kill the noise before you can find and walk in that greatness.
3. You only have to answer to GOD and yourself - that is all. It's amazing how many of us are so engrossed in what people will say and think about our decisions. I believe most of us go about life unfulfilled because we care too much about what would happen if we established some boundaries. Except it's us that ends up paying for the lack of boundaries and the price is oftentimes our happiness.
Part of the process of becoming reinvented is to make some difficult choices. A hard one for me was being conscious of who I allowed in my space and with time, the rewards have led to a peaceful and more productive life. May sound a little hard-line, but if my spirit feels uncomfortable in certain places or around certain personalities, I do go ahead and look for the nearest exit.
In closing, and with the hope that these parting words will help someone - walk away from arguments that create prolonged strife. Walk away from relationships that sap the life out of your well-being. If it screams "drama" - it's absolutely okay to keep it moving. I've kept it moving where stress seems to be a prerequisite to keeping a relationship, and I do hope you can do the same too!
Your Reinvented Coach,